Some women

I have seen them as sisters of love interests of mine or partners of some of my friends. Mainly, the kind of woman lots of guys end up marrying to. Great guys by the way.

They have this subdued look, nonchalant attitude, humble and not necessarily special. They do not pay too much attention to how they dress or look yet they are still beautiful. Not exceedingly beautiful though. You cannot really grasp what they really think, but you can tell they are not dumb. They sport a conservative look and aura, but surprise you with a passion for human rights of some sort. They usually don't boast about it, but they are either geniuses in disguise or fairly competent in their good -but not top- job position.  They tend to be pale and slim, with a clean and fair face but I am sure they must come in other shapes and colours. 

How do they do it is beyond me. Maybe it is genetic. I admire them, and they are certainly lovely so it is even harder to be properly jealous of them or hate them. But I cannot seem to be friends with them either.

They seem to be the perfect partner, but you can also be assured they have somewhat acquired their individuality. Are these the real virtuous women? Is it just me and my friends who just look like a group of freaks? Or is it me trapped in this interstitial state of immaturity, a limbo that does not allow me to grow up?

Because of course they are younger!

Mental now: Find a way to know how these women do it.  Out of curiosity of course,  there's no point in trying to be someone who you are not supposed to. 

Superar el enamoramiento

Yo no queria. Juro que esta vez no queria. Y en un sentido no quiero. Porque ese crush se sentia como una respuesta a mis oraciones, con poca gente comparto tantas cosas en comun. Y mi aferre al enamoramiento, y quise de verdad. Pero un dia me di cuenta que realmente no iba a ser posible. Pero seguia aferrada.
Que hacer, que hacer, cuando no son tanto las hormonas pero los sentimientos los alborotados?

Un dia lo descubri, y funcciono. Y ore y llore y me libere. Y me prepare para cuando llegara el momento de decir adios y de otra vez ver que esa persona con quien me imaginaba una historia, comenzaba sus dias acompañado de otra. Y el momento llego.
Me di cuenta un poco antes de que llegara, como quien siente el olor de la lluvia que se avecina. Entonces me dedique a entregar y a llorar. Y aqui estoy, sorprendida de que no duele demasiado....y queya es facil seguir adelanta.
Lo mas bonito es que no me quebro la esperanza, esa comedida y a veces adolescente esperanza.

Nota mental: Cuando el enamoramiento es prolongado, cuando se vuelve amor no correspondido...lo mejor es orar. Suena tonto pero ora todos los dias por ti, ora por esa persona. Desinteresadamente (en la medida de lo posible) ora por su bienestar, ora por tu corazón. Y en que en ambos reine Dios.

Dios sana, Dios restaura, Dios nos guía.

Homesick guilt

I just realised that I'm afraid of tell people I miss them. I feel guilty to hint to the world that I may be homesick.
It is irrational, borderline stupid, but here I am. In the back of my mind (my subconscious it's just a beautiful, complex little thing) I think that homesickness is a weakness; that missing the ones I left behind makes me undeserving of being where I am now. That I should be tough and suck it up if I want to remain here. That missing means that I have to go back...
And it's not that I don't want to go back. But I just don't want to leave.
There are people and little routines that make the mundane tasks of everyday life an amazing moment. Having dinner, singing, driving around, going to the shops, serving God together...the mere idea of leaving them now breaks my heart.
And I feel guilty for feeling that way. I believe that I should just be thankful for the experiences past and present, for those will shape my future. And I am incredibly grateful but the sweetness of this easy life, the balm that this year has been in my recently fractured soul has left me wanting more.
I am aware that I am in fact undeserving, which is why I fear to dream of wanting more of this, to miss them, to stick around a little bit longer. And to miss the ones I left behind.

Nota mental: Today I don't know what to say to myself. I'm not sure that the "pressing on" attitude it is the right approach. But that's all you (I) have to survive at the moment. May God provide you with wisdom.